Please pray for me
Last night, after life had stopped and Phil and I had already gone to bed, I opened up and said "I'm at a crossroads in my life right now. I'm not really doing anything at church right now, except teaching my Wednesday night ladies class, the videos are not selling because I don't have a marketer and I don't know what to do with them, Laura is moving and I have no more kids in the house, and I could get a secular job, but I don't know if I could keep it because of my health." I said also that I felt like my job at church, over the last twenty years, had been to pray that we could get to where we are today, and we are, finally, there. We have not "arrived" but we are finally at the place where we can understand "freedom in Christ" and I know that, now, we can soar. Phil suggested that I help at church, since Sandra had left, and Gayle needed the help. I admit that that's something I'll probably look into, but that's not the answer I ultimately heard last night.
I'm not sure if I prayed, or God just heard my heart, which, I believe, is probably the prayer that God hears the loudest, the one that the Holy Spirit intercedes for me, with groanings I cannot express. But sometime during the night God spoke to me and I knew the answer was from Him and my question had been answered. This is what He said.
Teresa, who more than you knows the meaning of depression?
Teresa, who more than you knows the content of the videos?
Teresa, who more than you knows how to present them?
Teresa, who more than you has the heart to present them?
Teresa, did I not just hear you say you were wondering what your role in the church is right now?
Did I not just hear you say that you have the desire to do more, but you don't know what to do?
Can you not see the correlation in the questions I've just asked you?
Who do you think is most qualified to present the videos to people in Bowling Green other than the person who wrote them and delivered them?
Why do you think that someone else has to buy the videos and present them in order for them to be successful?
Could not the purpose of you doing them, be that you could reach out to your community and use them as a tool to not only help people with depression, but also encourage them to have a relationship with God?
Is this not a ready-made teaching tool that you could use as your niche to reach the lost...emotionally, mentally and maybe spiritually?
Teresa, you know how to talk to anyone. Now use this as the way I want you to spread My Word at Greenwood Park.
Tell people about it. Advertise it...and I will bring them to you.
I just stopped and read the Preview of this entry with tears in my eyes, because I know this is my answer. And I am amazed that God answered my prayer the very night I spoke it outloud to Phil and in my heart to Him. But I know that's just how He works.
But then the questions come...
Now what do I do? Do I advertise in the paper? Do I start from within GWP to see if any of them want to attend first? What do I charge? Do I give the workbooks away? Do I charge anything? Where do I have it? Shouldn't it be at GWP? What night should it be on? Do I limit the number? Don't you think it should be limited to 10 people? 12 people? Am I qualified to handle clinically depressed people should they show up? Should I have someone help me like Gregg or Jacqueline? Would they even want to help when they do it for a living? Would I even want to, if I did it for a living? Does God really think I could handle this alone? What about $25.00 for the cost of the 8 weeks? No it may be 9 weeks because we'll probably have an organizational meeting telling everybody what to expect. Do I need a sign? No God will provide.....and on and on the questions go.
I know, without a doubt, that if God spoke to me last night, giving me the answer to my question, that He also has the answers to all the questions I have asked myself, thus far. I know that God is in control, His timing is perfect and that He has never made a mistake. I, just also know, that so many times I've started something for Him, that I thought was for Him, and it fizzled out. I told Phil last night that I have felt like I have never really landed. That I have never really found my niche in life...and I want to so badly.
Would you please pray for me, that if God wants this to happen, that He will cause it to happen, in spite of me? Would you please pray that the feeling I have today will last until I see it happen? Would you please pray that this is where my heart for God and my heart for people who are suffering from depression can come together...can meet and I can feel like I'm exactly where God wants me to be at exactly this time in my life and that for the first time I may have landed.
I know that there has to be something more out there waiting for me to do, that God has planned for me. I have felt since completing the videos that there has to be a reason for doing them, that I've not seen yet. Only two churches have seen them, and I've not heard about their success from either one of them. I have doubted and doubted and doubted and wondered "why did I do them." "Now, what do I do next?" "What can I do with them?" "What does God want me to do with them?"
In this blog, I know I've asked more questions than I probably should have and most of them I already know the answer to. I really do not want your answers. I'm just being rhetorical and allowing myself to think on paper, or in the air, or wherever these things go when they leave your fingertips. I just want you to hear my heart and know that I really do covet your prayers. I am at such a crossroads, that I need help from above and help from below. I covet each of your prayers because I see that this could happen...and I believe that it will. I get so afraid when I hear God's voice, that I tremble for two reasons. One is because I know God does big things and I worry if I'm up to the task and two, I worry about what people think when they see me take on another task when they've never seen the success of the last one. I know, as I write this, that both of these are Satan's weapons revolving around fear, which is in direct opposition to faith...and I have always tauted myself as having "great faith." But being the human I am, weak and sinful, I not only have to have the courage to listen to God, I have to have the strength to combat Satan. I know that Satan and God work hand in hand, and technically Satan cannot tempt me unless God has given him permission. I want to so listen to God that I will only fix my eyes on Him and that I will not watch the winds and the waves so much that Satan distracts me, which, I know, is his intention. I know what fear does. It stagnates us, making us do nothing.
I want to do something now. I have been in listen mode for at least one year. Now I want to put what I've listened to into action. Please pray if God wants this to happen, that He and I can work it out.
I'm not sure if I prayed, or God just heard my heart, which, I believe, is probably the prayer that God hears the loudest, the one that the Holy Spirit intercedes for me, with groanings I cannot express. But sometime during the night God spoke to me and I knew the answer was from Him and my question had been answered. This is what He said.
Teresa, who more than you knows the meaning of depression?
Teresa, who more than you knows the content of the videos?
Teresa, who more than you knows how to present them?
Teresa, who more than you has the heart to present them?
Teresa, did I not just hear you say you were wondering what your role in the church is right now?
Did I not just hear you say that you have the desire to do more, but you don't know what to do?
Can you not see the correlation in the questions I've just asked you?
Who do you think is most qualified to present the videos to people in Bowling Green other than the person who wrote them and delivered them?
Why do you think that someone else has to buy the videos and present them in order for them to be successful?
Could not the purpose of you doing them, be that you could reach out to your community and use them as a tool to not only help people with depression, but also encourage them to have a relationship with God?
Is this not a ready-made teaching tool that you could use as your niche to reach the lost...emotionally, mentally and maybe spiritually?
Teresa, you know how to talk to anyone. Now use this as the way I want you to spread My Word at Greenwood Park.
Tell people about it. Advertise it...and I will bring them to you.
I just stopped and read the Preview of this entry with tears in my eyes, because I know this is my answer. And I am amazed that God answered my prayer the very night I spoke it outloud to Phil and in my heart to Him. But I know that's just how He works.
But then the questions come...
Now what do I do? Do I advertise in the paper? Do I start from within GWP to see if any of them want to attend first? What do I charge? Do I give the workbooks away? Do I charge anything? Where do I have it? Shouldn't it be at GWP? What night should it be on? Do I limit the number? Don't you think it should be limited to 10 people? 12 people? Am I qualified to handle clinically depressed people should they show up? Should I have someone help me like Gregg or Jacqueline? Would they even want to help when they do it for a living? Would I even want to, if I did it for a living? Does God really think I could handle this alone? What about $25.00 for the cost of the 8 weeks? No it may be 9 weeks because we'll probably have an organizational meeting telling everybody what to expect. Do I need a sign? No God will provide.....and on and on the questions go.
I know, without a doubt, that if God spoke to me last night, giving me the answer to my question, that He also has the answers to all the questions I have asked myself, thus far. I know that God is in control, His timing is perfect and that He has never made a mistake. I, just also know, that so many times I've started something for Him, that I thought was for Him, and it fizzled out. I told Phil last night that I have felt like I have never really landed. That I have never really found my niche in life...and I want to so badly.
Would you please pray for me, that if God wants this to happen, that He will cause it to happen, in spite of me? Would you please pray that the feeling I have today will last until I see it happen? Would you please pray that this is where my heart for God and my heart for people who are suffering from depression can come together...can meet and I can feel like I'm exactly where God wants me to be at exactly this time in my life and that for the first time I may have landed.
I know that there has to be something more out there waiting for me to do, that God has planned for me. I have felt since completing the videos that there has to be a reason for doing them, that I've not seen yet. Only two churches have seen them, and I've not heard about their success from either one of them. I have doubted and doubted and doubted and wondered "why did I do them." "Now, what do I do next?" "What can I do with them?" "What does God want me to do with them?"
In this blog, I know I've asked more questions than I probably should have and most of them I already know the answer to. I really do not want your answers. I'm just being rhetorical and allowing myself to think on paper, or in the air, or wherever these things go when they leave your fingertips. I just want you to hear my heart and know that I really do covet your prayers. I am at such a crossroads, that I need help from above and help from below. I covet each of your prayers because I see that this could happen...and I believe that it will. I get so afraid when I hear God's voice, that I tremble for two reasons. One is because I know God does big things and I worry if I'm up to the task and two, I worry about what people think when they see me take on another task when they've never seen the success of the last one. I know, as I write this, that both of these are Satan's weapons revolving around fear, which is in direct opposition to faith...and I have always tauted myself as having "great faith." But being the human I am, weak and sinful, I not only have to have the courage to listen to God, I have to have the strength to combat Satan. I know that Satan and God work hand in hand, and technically Satan cannot tempt me unless God has given him permission. I want to so listen to God that I will only fix my eyes on Him and that I will not watch the winds and the waves so much that Satan distracts me, which, I know, is his intention. I know what fear does. It stagnates us, making us do nothing.
I want to do something now. I have been in listen mode for at least one year. Now I want to put what I've listened to into action. Please pray if God wants this to happen, that He and I can work it out.
Comments
But, on the other hand, I know that you have the faith and personality to get out there and start turning over rocks to find what God wants you to do.
I'm praying for you.
Love, Jeanne
Wouldn't it be reasonable to say that, if you accept Jesus as your saviour, and pray to him, you have begun your walk with God? Is he so callous as to think that 'obeying' a list of rules makes one more acceptable.
Begin with faith and prayer.
Alvaton's Bluebird