Walls

Facebook has been sharing memories with me, from years gone by, that frankly I wish I could tear out of my book called LIFE but can't. They were the most difficult days of my life, bar none. Everyone has had them at one time or another or, more than likely, will. Divorce. Cancer. Death of a loved one. Sickness. Injury. Jail. Accidents. Mistakes. Rebellion. Drugs. Miscarriages. Lack of money. Tragedy. Unemployment. Etc. At this time your world stops and your life that once started on the day you were born, from this time on starts here. It's at this time you want life to move on but you're stopped in your tracks. When you ask "why?" but have no answers. When you'd love to shout at God but feelings of guilt make you stop. For purposes of writing this article I'm calling them walls. Looking back thirty-two and seven years later, this is what I’ve learned from hitting a wall.

Walls slow me down. I want to forge ahead but God says no, not yet. Only God knows the future. The strength I need to sustain the weight of the load ahead requires years of falling down and getting back up again. Something I couldn't see in my thirties and forties but see now.

Walls show me what I can and cannot control. I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I can't make anything grow, prevent death, cure a disease, raise the dead, change a mind, cure a mind, change a heart, cure a heart, change the past or control the future. I can't repent for you, believe for you, learn for you or change your lifestyle. I can't make you love me or God or anyone else. As much as I want to, I just can't do it.

Walls show me my own strength. When I try to control what I cannot control the more convinced I become of my very own weakness. I realize the smallness of my greatness and have to surrender. It is then that I see the might of God’s power and my faith starts to grow.

Walls show me just how much I want what's on the other side. I know in my head that God says he keeps his promises but have to wait for my heart to be convinced. "Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Yeah right. Really? Not getting it. At the age of sixty-one I have seen the best of the good come from the worst of the bad that I thought was impossible. I have seen life get better even after going through Hell. I have wanted what God has promised and been willing to wait.

Walls have stopped me. Even though hardest to learn and least likely to accept, when God says “no” he has a better answer – a given that only time will tell. Acceptance does not always mean approval; it simply means that I know that the Master knows best.

Walls require strength to climb; if not mine then yours. Cards are received that show love. Arms that are stronger hold mine up. Tears are shed when words fail. Prayers are prayed in trust.

If you have hit a wall and feel God has forsaken you, wait. God knows, he sees and he cares. Better is yet to come. If you are too weak to scale the wall, He, his angels and the saints are lifting you up. If you’re being carried you’re closer to him than you’ve ever been. If you are reading this, your next chapter has yet to be written.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fail; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. " Isaiah 40:29-31

"With my God I can scale a wall." Ps. 18:29b