Tell Me What to Do

As someone who’s dealt with depression most of my life, here's what I know about hopelessness and thoughts of suicide which are so prevalent this time of year.

There’s a difference between wanting to die and not wanting to live. Most people just want to get away from the pain and don’t know how; I didn’t.

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.” http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/.

You are not responsible for another person’s actions.

You can be around someone every day and still not know what’s going on in his head. It’s not your fault you don’t know.

You cannot help a person if you don’t know he has a problem. You cannot help another person if he doesn't know he has a problem. You cannot help a person who won’t admit he has a problem.

You cannot make someone talk. If someone believes depression is a sign of weakness she will be ashamed to share her depressed thinking. She probably doesn’t know she’s depressed, but knowing, doesn’t solve the problem either; it only begins the process of knowing.

You cannot hear another person’s mental chatter. Mental chatter to a depressed individual is his reality.

Realizing a thought is just a thought, that it can be attended to or let go of, is impossible for a depressed individual to do. His thoughts are his reality whether right or wrong, true or false.

The mind can assume anything. Some people have a relationship with their mind. The mind never leaves, but people do, therefore, mental chatter can be relentless.

The rational mind that helps us cope, if irrational, is the very thing that would help us cope but cannot because of its irrational thinking; hence the inability to make wise decisions. This is the reason anti-depressants are so helpful. They do not change our thinking; they change the chemistry of the brain that controls the thinking.

If you regret you didn’t do enough, feel blessed now, that you know what to do and do it for someone else.

Be a warm body. Just be there. Job’s friends “sat on the ground for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Be patient. Healing is a slow process for a troubled person. Nudge, but don’t push.

Listen. Don’t talk; pray for discernment as to when.

If you befriend and fail, remember the person’s life and not his death.