DEPRESSION--advice for the one who watches

Earlier in the week, I posted an article called Depression -- four lessons I’ve learned which came from the heart of a 56-year-old woman (me) long removed from "the pit." Today I write a second, coming from the heart of a 29-year-old woman, who back then, was descending into the pit. The picture of me on the left was made on Christmas day when I was in my thirties. The picture on the right was made at my mom and dad's 60th wedding anniversary celebration when I was 54. ~

YES I'M SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION. 
IF I HAD THE WHEREWITHAL, THIS IS WHAT I'D TELL YOU:

Don’t tell me to snap-out-of-it. The part of me that’s reason – ABLE is the very part of me that’s sick. You’re dealing with my brain, my mind – my feelings. You can’t fix me like a broken arm or leg. My pain is inward – not visible to the human eye.

I am exhausted from doing mental calisthenics you cannot see, on an emotional roller coaster you cannot stop. I am emotionally gutted. I have experienced so much grief, so much pain that my mind has shut down. When I stay in bed all day, I’m insulating myself from the pressures of life.

Understand I can’t control my feelings; they are spontaneous – as spontaneous as flipping on a light switch and the light coming on. Mine may be different from yours; but they’re still both neutral -- neither right nor wrong.

Expect me to have outbursts of anger. Anger and depression go hand-in-hand. If depression is anger turned inward or frozen rage, then when it “thaws” or “melts” anger is released. If I’m angry it means I’m feeling; when I’m depressed I’m usually numb.

Be extremely patient with me. If I’m on my fourth or fifth or tenth medication please don’t get discouraged. I need your strength to lean on—to be there again and again and again for me.

I’m lethargic. Every ounce of energy goes into just putting one foot in front of the other. My goal is to make it to the end of another day …………………………………………………… alive.

To make myself take a shower is almost impossible. It requires more time, effort and energy than I have to muster. Why take a shower when I’m going back to bed? I have no intentions of going out.

Don’t ask me to socialize. My eyes are focused inwardly. I can only see myself.

If I want to eat, I will. If I don’t, I won’t. Eating is one of the few things I still have control over.

I need you to stand beside me – not in my face. I need your hand, not a lecture.

I’ll talk when I’m ready, if, when, and to whom I choose. If you try to make me, I’ll shut down or get angry at you.

Getting dressed requires making a decision, something I cannot do. What once was so simple is now so complex.

I'm following this train of thought:

I can’t think or concentrate because my mind has shut down.
My mind has shut down because my thoughts are so painful.
My thoughts are so painful because I feel hopeless.
I feel hopeless because I’ve exhausted all my efforts to cope
With life.

Whether you are suffering from depression or watching someone else who is, I leave you with eight suggestions I'm repeating from an article I wrote back in 1995 (the first year I ascended from, after living ten years in the pit) that may help each of you.

1) Know God loves you more than you love yourself right now. Sing the song “Jesus love me this I know, for the Bible tells me so,” over and over again until you believe it. "... nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom. 8:39

2) Acknowledge that God is in control. His timing is perfect. And He’s never made a mistake. God has not forsaken you. God knows exactly what He’s doing. God knows exactly where you are. Scripture tells us he is "close to the broken-hearted." Ps. 34:18 You’re never closer to God than when he's carrying you.

3) Get down on your knees and talk to God every day. Go to God just as you are and let him hear, help and heal you.

4) Seek professional help. Specialists, particularly in the field of Neuro-psychiatry, are qualified to treat clinical depression as well as test for a possible chemical imbalance. Seek professional counseling if you need to talk.

5) Read the book HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE The Symptoms, Causes, and Cures of Depression by Frank Minirth, M.D. and Paul Meier, M.D. Light bulbs will go off on every page. You’ll think this book was written just for you.

6) Read Lamentations, especially chapter three. Jeremiah puts depression into words. He enables you to look at yourself in the inspired Word and gives you a friend you can relate to.

7) Never underestimate the value of a friend – just one friend. I could tell Belinda anything. She is the one who kept me sane. “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.” Eccl. 4:9-10a. NLT

8) Live one day at a time. Some days require life to be lived minute-by-minute. Don’t be ashamed of that. As time progresses you will heal, but healing is slow. Be patient with yourself and take baby steps to recovery.

I base my hope in living with depression on the same promise Jeremiah claims and extend that hope to you:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
For his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness,
I say to myself, “the Lord is my portion;
Therefore, I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24


My email address is tbkimbel@gmail.com. If I can help please let me know.

God bless you.