Submission

SUBMISSION: WHAT IT IS AND WHAT IT IS NOT

By: Doris Black

This lesson is taken from a tape by Doris Black I transcribed over twenty years ago. Every bit of it is hers. I received permission to share this with my class from her by telephone. I hope it blesses your life as much as it has mine. The underlined capitalized words are words I have filled in that I leave out intentionally, when I teach this lesson, that I want to emphasize. Feel free to make copies. *

There are 21 marriage commands which fall into 5 categories.

               

 To the husband:                1) leave and cleave

                                                 2) love your wife as your own body

 To the wife:                        3) submit in everything

                                                     (except if it involves sin)

                                                 4) respect your husband

  To both:                               5) deprive not one another of your body

                                                       (sexual pleasure)

  She did an in-depth study of the needs of men and women and found this:

                                                               

                                                  1) that man has to feel respected

                                                  2) that woman has to feel loved

GOD IS SO WISE
God’s commands contribute to man’s need for RESPECT and woman’s need for LOVE.

LET’S GO BACK TO THE GARDEN SCENE IN GENESIS 3.
Have you ever wondered why woman got the worst punishment? Why she didn’t get to be the head of the house? Eve was DECEIVED. She thought she had a better IDEA than God. Adam sinned KNOWINGLY. He was REBELLIOUS.

WHAT DID ADAM AND EVE’S SIN INDICATE?          

Adam went along with Eve. This indicated IMMATURITY. Adam sinned KNOWINGLY. Eve’s sin showed she had an IN-SUBMISSIVE HEART. Adam’s reaction to God’s discipline was BLAME-SHIFTING.

God dealt with blame-shifting by making man the head of the house. He in essence said “THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” No longer can you blame EVE.

In Ephesians 5:22-23 the man is RESPONSIBLE. Is he smarter? ABSOLUTELY NOT! God gives us the responsibility of APPEAL
In Esther chapters 5-9 did God zap the king dead? No. He used the influence of a woman. Women have an obligation to point out sin. Esther influenced the outcome of the entire Jewish nation.

               

Ephesians 4:15 says we should speak the truth to one another in love. If my husband needs to have the truth pointed out to him I should do it in LOVE but not NAGGING or COMPLAINING. Then I must share my BEST THINKING with him.

Becoming one is a growing process. We become one EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY AND SPIRITUALLY. It is a sharing of all three areas.

               

In Genesis 21 Sarah took her handmaiden and gave her to Abraham. Sarah thought she had a BETTER IDEA than God. Sarah even asked Abraham to get rid of the child which would have gone against his NATURAL FEELINGS and the TEACHING of the day.

Go to God first. Do it God’s way first. After we share our best thinking, we SUBMIT. I’m going to do it God’s way.

Romans 13:1-2  “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”

 When you aren’t submissive you’re not doing that to your HUSBAND you’re doing that to GOD. You are FLYING IN THE FACE OF GOD. Ephesians 5:22-23 says to submit in everything.

But God didn’t know what my husband was going to be like 2000 years ago!

I go through       1) APPEAL 2) OBLIGATION 3) RESPECT
It’s not that I’m right or wrong but I believe that God’s hand is in the decision.

While on earth Jesus dealt with LINES OF AUTHORITY. After praying “Let this cup pass” he left with the guards.

Hebrews 5:7-8  “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered.”

WHAT WAS JESUS SUBMISSIVE TO?

The lines of authority on earth that God’s hand was working through. Jesus said to Pilate, “You would have no authority if it were not given to you from power above.” Pilate was a Roman authority. He was a PAGAN. He was not JUST. Jesus obeyed because of SUBMISSION.

HOW DOES SUBMISSION WORK?

When your husband makes a decision --

1) Ask God to please give him wisdom. (Pray for God’s hand to move in your husband’s life.)

2) Then accept it. (Accept the decision that comes out of your husband’s mouth.) Always say:       “I have prayed to God for wisdom, I will do what you say.”

If you feel that your husband is being a tyrant and you feel like a nobody tell him the truth about how you feel. Then submit to HIS decision.

God commands us to submit.

Never get involved in a fight with a man because of the PRIDE FACTOR. INFLUENCE will overpower the pride factor. God has provided a way for women to live with unbelieving husbands through their EXAMPLE. In so doing, you will teach your children to respect authority figures.

What if he makes the wrong decision?

If you PRAY and are willing to SUBMIT and he makes the decision, then in one way or another it is the right decision.

But sometimes the decision doesn’t have a happy ending.

Sometimes a decision comes that is a wrong decision. Your husband needs to GROW UP.

But what if my husband is not a Christian?
God worked through PHAROAH didn't he? Don’t cheat yourself out of asking your husband’s advice or opinion. What comes out of his mouth is always better than what you expect.

WHETHER YOUR HUSBAND IS A CHRISTIAN OR NOT WHEN YOU MARRIED HIM YOU MADE HIM THE HEAD OF YOUR HOUSE.

As you align yourself in accord with God’s will, your husband will have to make a coordinate alignment too.

 You say, “Okay, I’ve been an in-submissive wife.” I have sinned. You do what you’re supposed to do. You say, “I am praying for wisdom for you and here’s the problem.” Romans says that there is no authority except that which is established by God. And a husband is established by God.

You are not submissive to your husband’s WISDOM or MATURITY but to the HAND of God.

Okay, so you say, “But I don’t have a husband.”

God has not left you in the hands of Satan without help. You still have authority figures in your life. Anyone you rely on or seek counsel from becomes an authority figure in your life.

 [a physical brother, a spiritual brother, your father, elders, evangelist, sister]

God has not left you!
Proverbs 15:25b says, “but the Lord keeps the widow’s boundaries intact.”

If you are a widow through either death or divorce God’s eye and his hand are in your life. If you are the authority figure then God works through you.

               

You say, “Okay, I tried this submission for three months or ten years and it just didn’t work.” Well then, you married a SLOW LEARNER. It’s not that submission didn’t work; you just married a SLOW LEARNER. Submission is not MINDLESS SERVITUDE. No one came make me submit. Submission is something I GIVE. When my husband makes me do something, that’s called SLAVERY or tyranny, not submission. Submission is something that comes from the HEART.

How can I tell if I am submissive?
If you work to make the decision SUCCESSFUL even when you don’t AGREE. Being submissive is not always WANTING to do something, but when you don’t support your husband and don’t try to make the decision work then you give him an out to BLAME-SHIFT.

A wife must respect her husband.

Respect: a) honor:  to make someone else look good
                  b) reverence:  to live with respect for God’s order of things

All commands have multiple blessings. When you live this way it builds your husband’s self-esteem. A man not treated with respect will act one of two ways:
1)  he will become hostile and a tyrant or
2)  he will become defeated and wimp out on you

When you respect him you’re teaching your children respect for authority.

Respect your husband not because he is your HUSBAND but because of the position he has the YOU gave him.

But what if he cheats on his income taxes?                              

Do not confuse RESPECT with ADMIRATION. She respected the office of PRESIDENT, during Watergate, when she did not respect the OFFICER. I can respect my husband because of WHO HE IS.

How do we live this out?
1) You lift your husband up to the children
      a) be quick to point out his strength and not his weaknesses

       b) point out his good points to the children.

 2) You lift your husband up to everyone
       a) make him look good
       b) don’t ridicule him
       c) don’t bring him down in public
       d) make sure the teasing is also funny to him. (If it’s not funny to him, it’s not appropriate to             say.)
        e) lift him up to family and friend
        f) don’t complain to family about him

3) You lift your husband up to the world.
        a) treat his job as important

4) You compliment and praise him.

5) You treat your husband 10’ tall and he will act 10’ tall.

Sarah called Abraham Lord.

If you treat your husband 10’ he will feel 10’ tall.

The best way to have a husband worthy of respect is to treat him with respect.

This lesson has involved 2 commands: submit in everything and see that the wife respects her husband.

*Doris Black died the week Phil and I were visiting Tempe, AZ on vacation this March. She worshiped years ago at the Tempe Church where Steve Tyree is now the pulpit minister. She was a lovely woman and will be sorely missed by everyone who knew her.